The Things Contractors Say

One-liners from contractors and their employees.  This website is family-friendly so I can only post about 5% of what contractors say:

I can explain this to you; I can’t comprehend it for you.

I’ve forgotten more than you’ll ever know.

I’ve gotten rid of better for doing less.

Good enough for the girls I go out with.

Good enough for government work.

Looks good from my house.

Trim it to your best, and let paint and putty take care of the rest.

DAP and paint make ya the carpenter ya ain’t.

I don’t pay you to think.

When the old-timer flooring guy shows up on my job site with a newbie:

“Who’s the new guy?”

“We call him Wedge.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because he’s the simplest of tools.”

You have to be smarter than the material you are working with.

Do your best, caulk the rest.

Me owner.  You employee.  Now get in that **** crawlspace.

Said to a guy: “Did your husband teach you to swing a hammer like that?”

If he was half as smart as he thought he was, he would be twice as smart as he is.

When a helper does something right: “Well, (helper), it ISN’T terrible.”

“The good Lord gave you two ears and one mouth, so you should listen twice as much as you talk.” Now shut up and start working!

There’s only one way you’re getting a check today and that’s if you’re fired! Your choice?

He is one chromosome away from a daily watering.

He’s one fry short of a Happy Meal.

Go any slower and I’ll have to build a fence around you.

And last but not least: Pointing at someone’s obvious oops – “That’s why cousins shouldn’t marry”.

Now if you are looking for a good Tri-City contractor I have a few I recommend over here.

 

Posted in Humor

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